On aging (not-so) gracefully

img_9707.jpgLast week, I found myself sitting in an optometrist’s office trying on name-brand frames in tortoiseshell and slate. Are my eyes really positioned this close together, I thought glasses were supposed to make me look more like a sexy sophisticate and less like a coupon clipper?

Precisely one year back, I spent a Tuesday afternoon wrapped in an opened-back gown sliding head-first into a machine designed to demystify my neck pain. They call it an MRI; I call it one step closer to the grave.

As I write, my muffin-top-inducing, low-rise jeans from 2002 are cutting off my circulation and I’m wearing shoes that boast quality craftsmanship. Which is a fancy way of saying they reduce lower back pain and have been engineered to drive up sales among nurse practitioners.

Just to round out the full picture of my condition, Murder She Wrote plays in the background WITH CLOSED CAPTIONING TURNED ON.

The not-so-subtle point I’m trying to make is that post-40s is a bitch and my body’s literally falling apart as I observe helplessly from this side of the mirror.

Was that wrinkle there yesterday? Which side is my good side—just in case I take a picture? Why didn’t I start flossing two decades ago or heed warnings that my skin would melt off if I didn’t wash my face every night?

Is it too late to start working on my personality?

Well, this old broad ain’t going down without a fight—even if I have to learn more about vinyasa flow or acquaint myself with some newfangled thing the kids are calling Warby Parker.

Weekly recap:
Monday—3.5 mile walk
Tuesday—4 mile run
Wednesday—spin class
Thursday—4.5 mile run
Friday—hot yoga
Saturday—4 mile walk
Sunday—3 mile run, upper body

Now, off to change my diaper.

6 thoughts on “On aging (not-so) gracefully

  1. JB, are you kidding me with the exercise? I’m happy when I make it through the day without a nap! And I celebrate when I ride over 5 minutes on my exercise bike! 🙂

    Listen kid, I’m 66 – and I won’t bore you with what’s going to happen to your body in another 20 years. Be thankful you’re on the upside of half a century.

    Great photo, by the way. That’s kinda what I really look like. 😉


  2. Aging certainly has it’s challenges. Being over 50 now, I can say I have experienced things I can’t explain, but I have also experienced more energy and strength I had when I was in my 30’s and 40’s. Hang in there and keep fit and you will see and do amazing things!


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